Words, Friends, and Facebook

     Over the past year, I, and society, has begun to take a deeper look at the connection Facebook has on our culture, in America and abroad.  Facebook, as we all have seen in the Aaron Sorkin oscar winning script, was developed by a techniculture cyber boy creatively playing with technology to relieve angst and activate intellectual capacities.  No matter how it was intended to be used, it surely has morphed into something not even the creator could have imagined. Facebook has taken on a life of its own in our American culture, and beyond.  But my question is, what is it doing to us as human creatures, our psyche's, our connection through real existence, not a virtual one?
     Granted, I am addicted to Facebook. I post how I'm feeling about the upcoming game.  The joy of the win.  What I think about the conservative left at times of ignorance. I have gotten into verbal bashings with people I hardly know.  I have also been "friended", a word I'll look at later, by complete strangers who have liked what I have said in my ranting to those acquaintances (which are friends of the acquaintance).  I love the instant gratification I get when I see another stupid republican try to manipulate people and I can go type out my frustration to an audience. But is this immediacy, a good thing? I, as an intelligent human being, seem to just be venting emotional steam for selfish reasons. My discourse is not planned, there is no presentational thought going into my words, my position, my need to express the ludicrous logic and reasoning of the conservative position. I'm just doing the same thing as them, am I not? Debate, discourse, argumentation, presentation are all very old rhetorical processes that have been used by intellectuals to challenge or change or reinforce a position in our society. They require thought, research, inquiry, drafting, and editing to be done with diligence and respectability. A three sentence blurt of emotional garbage does not do this process justice. It sure ain't going to change anyone's mind. It simply rally's the troops and alienates the opposition.
    The concept of "Friend" has dramatically changed from the time of Facebooks creation. To start off, it is a fantastic tool to keep in touch with distant friends and family on a regular basis, all together on one site. The word friend prior to facebook meant "a person with whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations" But what facebook has done is redefine the word "Friend." In order to have someone see your page, you have to accept their "Friend" request. This does not mean that you "know" this person or especially that you "have a bond of mutual affection." To give an example... I have met several people through my wife and I's (mostly wifes) affection for Dave Matthews Band. We meet many people that we see an hour before the show, share a drink, talk Dave-speak, and may sit together in the lawn. But in 95% of those meetings, no deeper sharing of human bond is reached, no intimate, deep dark secrets are revealed, no political or religious beliefs transpire in any way.  But after the concert weekend has concluded, several "friend" requests seep through my monitor for weeks at a time. These people that I have met seem to have liked my persona, my character, my part of me that I share in times of Eating, Drinking and Being Merry.  But the major problem here then lies in the definition of "Friend" and the facebooks morphing definition.
     These individuals do no "know" me or "share a mutual affection." And this is where it gets tricky with language, words, and such.  Have they met me? Emphatically, yes. Do they share a "mutual affection" in DMB with me? Emphatically, yes (though, they often much more than me). But this is not the meaning of the words in the definition. What these individuals are doing is playing with the semantics of the word "Friend," which in essence was began with Facebook.
     So, what are semantics? Semantics are the study of meaning in words. It focuses on the relation between signifiers, such as words, phrases, signs and symbols, and what they stand for.  To "know" someone could mean that they have met them once or have slept in a dungeon with them as a prisoner. It is where this statement comes from... "I know you know her, but do you really know her."  Or "Do we ever really know someone?"  The word know can hold many meanings, or put another way, can have a deeper meaning.  "I am not as close with my friend Bill as I am with Kenny.  Therefore, Kenny knows me on a deeper level than Bill knows me." 
    Do you see how that works? Fascinating isn't it?!
    But the point of this discussion is this.  We "Friend" people on facebook that we have met, or are acquaintances with, but we are not truly "Friends" as in the prior meaning of the word. These people did not realize I was a bleeding heart liberal, who loves punk music and believes that religion is the key poison that kills everything good about humanity. If they did, do you think they would still have "Friended" me?  But also, when someone "DeFriends" a person, there is a level of rejection.  It gives us pause, just a little, but it does. Just from an act on a silly website. But it's not the act, I say, it's the words we have evolved to connect to the use of Facebook.  When we "Defriend" someone, we are saying to them that I do not want to share this space with you.  But what is even harder for me to wrap my head around, it that this space is virtual... meaning "not physically existing."  It's not real, except in the use of language. Language is what makes it real. It's what makes us give pause. It's what makes so many people happy to say, "I have 1,254 'Friends' on facebook."
    But what's great about facebook, besides keeping up with old friends, family members and my kids (students), is that those acquaintances that I have met at those DMB shows and beyond, I can get to know better. I can have deeper conversations, make plans to share more time, and finally, share intimate secrets when it's time to. And then, and only then, can they truly be called FRIENDS.